Someday is now

Seven long years ago, I thought that my world has come to an end. Stupid mistakes, crazy actions and unreasonable calls were made. Those were the dark days that I would never forget but I would also forever treasure. That's what made me who I am today. When he left, he clearly left me scarred and devastated for life. "Trusting would never ever be easy again.", I thought to myself. On that moment, I really thought that I would rather kill myself than trust another guy again with my heart.

Now, I am seven years stronger and I can finally say that it was worth the wait :) Different guys came but never stayed but this one guy who is making me happy right now is definitely special and amazing. 

It was definitely worth the wait and with this guy, I am sure that he'll be staying for a long time :)

Down from the hill, down to the world go I

Last 2002, I watched my first UAAP game on TV because of my brothers... That Gec Chia buzzer beater shot against UE made me fall in love with him and ever since then, I wanted to go to Ateneo for college (YES, BECAUSE OF GWAPO CHINESE BOYS)

After 10 long years, I finally graduated from the school I always want to be in (with two gwapo Chinese crushes haha). It was not an easy journey but as I always say, it definitely was worth it. I got through the super stressful enlistments in Aisis (Especially since I'm always last batch), the terror profs that made me learn so so much (Fr. Dacanay for the win) and all the sleepless nights (Ehem, thesis). I surely got through all these because of the friends who shared all these with me. Also, the family that supported me all the way :) I would have not graduated if I was alone and I could not imagine college without them.

So thank you to all the people who make up my Ateneo life. Thank you Batch 2012 and congratulations.

  

  

 

It's about time to use my heart.

A few days ago, I was sitting on a tree stump, overlooking Baguio City with numerous thoughts on my mind. I kept on thinking about the years that were and the years that will be. It kept on running on my mind that I felt really tired... not physically but mentally.

The senior's 5-day silent retreat held in Baguio City was a very fulfilling experience that I would never forget. As those thoughts run through my head, I felt exhausted until my retreat director reminded me to stop using my mind. I have been using it for the past 4 years in Ateneo and it was time to use my heart. And she was right. The moment I used my heart, I heard the things I have been ignoring for the past few years that I have been busy with school and other stuff.

The retreat helped me to make time for myself... to know myself again and to rebuild my relationship with the Being who I've been ignoring. I learned so much about myself and even if answers were not given to me, I'm satisfied with what I accomplished during the retreat. It's more than answers about my future that I needed, it was knowing myself again then after that, I can be more confident about my future.

It's really a great way of being a better person, seriously. It's not just thanking God about the years in Ateneo but continuing to be grateful for all the blessings that will come. It's not just knowing what career to pursue but following Jesus' values and being an example to people around you. And it's not just about thinking and knowing answers but feeling and sharing love.

So I came to the retreat for discernment about my career and this other thing but I found out something more... It will something that I will treasure forever.

The future will be confusing and hard but that won’t stop me from doing the things I love and being brave to take a leap of faith :)

Just because it's the month of love

I don't know if this is the right time but today, I will write about...

You were once a dream, a dream I never expected to come true. You seem so far away and I thought that you will forever be lost. But then you came and now, I am as happy as ever.

You make my heart skip a beat again. You make me smile randomly while thinking of you. You make me excited when my phone beeps or rings. You just made me alive again...

You made me so alive that I am beginning to become scared. Scared that you might leave me, the way others have left me. I always have this issue on trust and as days go by, I feel like my guards are going down. I don't want this to happen... well, someday but not yet.

I won't say anything about love because it's not yet that. In denial or not, what I definitely know and will forever be sure is that I AM HAPPY and I will forever remember the days you made me happy so in the end(whether the ending will be happy or not), I can say that that I did not regret a single day being with you.

Where you invest your love, you invest your life.

I think I need to update this more because of... uhm, security reasons haha!

I'm just confused with school, the future, love... basically, LIFE. I will be graduating in a month and I don't know if I am ready to face the real world out there. I feel like I have really been sheltered so much by the schools I went to, friends and family. I know I can make it through but I'm just scared, who isn't? I want to take a rest, travel and explore but everyone around me is saying otherwise.

I am happy with some aspects of my life. Very happy. But with this happiness comes confusion too. Maybe, I'm scared too. (OH GOSH, I'VE BEEN SCARED WITH A LOT OF STUFF LATELY... WHYYY?) I just don't want this to end and with my past with this kind of thing, I always end up alone and sad.

I know I can do this. I can make it through.

I'll face the future with my head up high and you by my side :)