Inspired and renewed

Last weekend, our dearest Pope Francis humbled the Philippines with his presence. Even if I just saw him for a few seconds, I am very happy that he went to our country and bring hope to our countrymen. I think his visit just reminded the Filipino people that God is present even in our miseries. As I listened and reread his homilies and speeches, I can't help but reflect on my own life. These reflections allowed me to see things clearer and set my priorities straighter. I've been standing on a crossroad for months now and I don't really know what path to choose; but Pope Francis' messages reminded me to love and get ready to a life full of surprises.

I believe Pope Francis left a mark to the whole Philippines. It left a mark that will scar me for life. It reminded me that my mission in this country is to be with the poor, oppressed and less fortunate. Just allow yourself to love them and be loved by them. Be brave in having encounters with them because they are people too. People who had less opportunities and privilege than us. They are people who deserves so much love and respect too. I would like to quote a tag line that Gawad Kalinga has been using for a certain project which is "Hunger ends where caring begins." I believe that everything starts with caring. When we start caring for other people around us, then love and peace can overflow within us and our country. It all starts with us and I believe that we should start now.

Pope Francis united our country for 5 days. The poor, rich, disabled, talented, oppressed went hand in hand and braved the rain just to go to Luneta. I hope everyone, as much as they wanted to see him, wants to join Pope Francis in the peripheries. I hope this hype for being with the poor will never die down. I hope this hype for serving this country won't fade until our countrymen rise from poverty. Let this be our mission today and forever because everyone needs help, even if they don't say it.

Salamat Pope Francis. Going into the peripheries is now the coolest thing because of you ;) Haha!

EXPERIENCE LIFE

My word for 2014 was DISCOVERY and boy, did I discover a lot. I traveled around the country from Luzon to Mindanao, I found new interests, I had other means of income, I learned things about myself etc. I loved 2014 because I got exposed to different situations and I still remained strong and I think this is really the secret of life: Standing up in every hardship. Always remember to move forward!

So as I move forward to 2015, I plan to EXPERIENCE LIFE. After a year of discovery, I think it is time to start experiencing.

I don't want to see or just discover things, I want to feel things. I want to start feeling life as it unfolds in front of me and not just the good things but also the bad things. Before, I always run and hide because I'm too afraid of failure or getting hurt. I focus on one bad feeling and don't let other feelings come in. That's why I had missed opportunities. This time, I will face everything head on. Whatever life may throw on my face, I want to feel ALL the emotions. I believe that feelings strongly affects one's life and as I start to feel and understand things, I get more actions done. I realized that I feel so uninspired most of the time because I don't know how I am feeling. I don't have any motivations because I let anger and hatred rule my life just because of one thing that happened in the family.

But I won't let feelings rule my life because you know, sometimes when you let your feelings decide your actions, you can get a little stupid (especially in love. Chos!) I will just allow emotions to flow in my system and stop blocking most of it away. 

So I welcome 2015 in a more organized manner and stronger than ever.

Christmas at Baguio

Disclaimer: This post will be photo heavy.

This Baguio trip was planned months before Christmas and we were all excited because it will be the first time that we will not spend Christmas at home. Few days before the trip, we were buying jackets and scarves. It was so hard for me to pack because I realized that almost all of my clothes are suited for the beach (that's why I have to buy). I am a beach person, not a cold weather person!

Dec. 23. We left Manila a few minutes past 6am and the trip was fast. We arrived there at around 12 and we immediately settled at our little home for the Christmas at Camp John Hay Cabins, just a few minutes from Manor. 

Setting up the tents for the kids

 ANG KYOOOOT!!

There were 16 of us so someone really has to have roles for the trip. We even had a planning a few weeks before the trip haha! As for me, I am either one of the coordinators or the money keeper every family trip and this trip, I volunteered to hold the money. During the planning, we all agreed that we will be buying from the market and just cook at the cabins because it's such a hassle for us to eat out (with all the kids!). My afternoon was spent at the market with Kuya Mark, Sining, Ate Lyn and Ate Reshel. It was so exciting to see fresh veggies around. 

The whole market experience was supposed to be great but we encountered super bad traffic in the city :/ I got traumatized (CHOS!) and swear to never go out of John Hay haha!

On our first night, we had bonfires and drinks to enjoy the cold summer night in Baguio. The cabins was such a nice place to stay and I think we got one of the bigger cabins :) Yay for us! 

Dec 24. I love waking up to the very cold breeze in Baguio. It's so hard to wake up actually but with all the kids playing as early as 6AM, there is nothing left to do but get up and play with them. Di ka rin naman makatulog sa ingay nila! :/ Anyway, after eating breakfast at home, we had tsokolate, turon and bibingka in Chocolate de Batirol.

{Life Lately: The weekend that was}

This past weekend was so fun I wouldn't want it to end but hey, I got to get back on reality so I'll just blog about my weekend so I can read it anytime I want :)

FRIDAY

After a quick catch up dinner with AJ, I headed to Conspiracy for Ebe's long gig. I think I said it before but I will say it again, I love Ebe Dancel and his music. While waiting for Ebe, the conversation over beer and nuts is about people's problems on their love lives (I'm just so lucky, I'm done with that phase of grilling haha!). I'm not really sure if this was a preparation for Ebe but it was a good conversation with great people. Makes me still believe in love ❤

While Ebe was playing, all I could think of is how amazing his songs are. It just hits you right to the core! Amid all the heartbreaking songs, he still makes me want to fall in love again and again. Salamat Ebe.

The gels

#wathaak

SATURDAY

I'm not sure if I can write about this without tearing up but we had Marianne's bachelorette party last Saturday. We planned for one week and surprised our bride-to-be with the most wholesome bachelorette party! I won't go into the details but we all had fun. We had a short program, a few games (remembering it still makes me laugh haha), some sex tips, drinks and heartfelt messages for the bride-to-be. 

I just can't believe that Marianne's getting married. I've been friends with her since Grade 5 and I really saw how she grew as a wonderful person. I'm just so happy that she's happy and I can't wait for baby Mariannes/Pauls (hopefully next year or early 2016!). I know in my heart that she will be a great mom! 

The bride-to-be

BFFs

Knowing your worth

To all the girls (I loved before, joke!) in my news feed,

This is for you, girls. I'm tired of reading posts on how you hate your life or how everything is falling apart. I don't like it that you're pretending to be happy even if you are not. I know the feeling, I have been there and it suck so so much. I think we all go through that phase. I have been one of those people who reblog quotes on Tumblr about faking a smile, crying myself to sleep at night and all those drama / emo posts. I don't judge you for feeling that way but know when to stop.

"When you've done all you can and things don't seem to be going the way you want, end the struggle, accept and choose the path unfolding."

Do not get stuck there, please. Do not choose that way of living. You have way greater things ahead of you. You are just too focused on all the things lacking in your life that you can't see the life unfolding ahead of you.

"It's easier to fake a smile than to explain why you're sad" 
This quote is just so true but damaging at the same time. Yes, it is easy to fake a smile but why would you want to pretend to be happy rather than attain real happiness? Please let go of that way of thinking and move on! Again, I've been here and my heart felt heavy for not showing my real emotions.

I am not a happy person, I can say that, but I'm done pretending. I tell people when I'm sad and I stopped faking my smile months ago and life has been better. I have my own problems that I am dealing with right now and sometimes, I don't even know how to deal with it but I'm doing fine. I breakdown most of the time but I don't let sadness fill my life anymore. I may have problems but I don't let it dictate my life. It is just a phase. There are still so many things that I should be thankful for and that's where I'm focusing all my energy rather than focusing on what I lack. Before going to sleep, I remind myself of the things that I'm grateful for for that day. Maybe you should do this too :)

Know your worth, ladies. And I'm sure that your worth is way way way greater than what you believe. Don't let other people treat you less!

Surround yourself with people who will bring out the best in you. Choose people who will never leave you when you're down and will listen without judgement! I know these people are hard to find. I'm so glad I have mine and I found them in my darkest days. Be a person who will listen without any judgement at all and I'm sure you will attract people like that.

Being happy doesn't mean not having problems. It's just a matter of perspective... focus. If you see the bad things in everything, then we clearly have a problem. Start seeing the brighter side of things, it can change your life. I know this is hard, I had a hard time but you can't start without accepting the fact that you want your life to be better. First step is always knowing that you want to change your life for the better and I'm sure, you'll find the next steps. Every person has different ways to deal with problems, that's why I believe that there are no clear steps on becoming happy. It's your own life. Decide how you'll get there.

“What you have to decide is how you want your life to be.
If your forever was ending tomorrow,
would this be how you'd want to have spent it?
Listen, the truth is, nothing is guaranteed.
So don't be afraid.  Be alive.”

{Life Lately: Getting back up}

Going through a lot these past few months and I just don't know where to go. Fortunately, I am finding my way back up so sharing a few tidbits of my life lately (all positive because I don't want to rant about my problems anymore). Also, it's the first of September, almost there and I will say good bye (again) to another year of ups and downs.

The best friend during my alone time

I can never go wrong with chill / happy vibes / kilig books like Eleanor & Park to make me happy. I have finished reading books like this (Paper Town, Everyday, Why we broke up etc) in 2 weeks time. I swear, you guys (if ever someone is reading this), read this kind of books when you are feeling down :) It helped me realize things about my life (friends, family etc). It may be patweetums / pacute but it can give you life lessons that can help you forever!

The rainy days and its perks

Summer in pictures

The rain is starting to fall and the weather is getting cooler every day. Which only means one thing, SUMMER IS OVER. I always love summers, not because it's my birthday but also because I love the beach and traveling. So before the rain falls today, I say goodbye to my summer 2014 and hello to the rest of the year :)

1. Random lunch/merienda/dinner/inuman dates with friends. I can be the most kaladkarin friend you can have and this summer, I texted almost everybody when I don't have any hangouts. So there were a lot of catching up done this summer :)

2. Finishing all my book buys last year. I have bought so many books after my breakup last year, thinking I will have more time to read. But no, all my reading time were allocated to my gimik nights. So now, the every night gimiks were lessen so I had more time to read this summer :)

3. Yes, I turned 24 today. I still kept forgetting that I'm 24 but hey, I would always look young. It was a night of celebrating with my family :) Just had my favorite steak and pumpkin soup c/o Ate Lyn :)

4. Bayani Challenge 2014. I blogged about this here. 

5. Dumaguete-Siquijor trip. Yes, I found a new place if I want to slow down and get away from the city. I also blogged about it here.

6. Sining's 7th birthday. (For those who doesn't know Sining, she's my niece) I can't believe she is 7 already!! I saw her grow up and now she's so beautiful and modelesque. Sining, true to her name is a true artist that's why her birthday party theme was an art fair where kids painted, drew, made button pins, colored and decorated a cookie. It was a fun children's party.

7. Subic trip with the clingy friends. This trip was supposed to be cancelled already but Nina texted on the day itself that we will push through with the trip. So I took a half day leave at work to go to pack and do some grocery shopping. It was one of the best unplanned trip ever where we started drinking at 10am. Good times.

8. Papa left for Canada last May for a 2 month vacation. So this summer was full of facetime/viber call dates from him :)

9. Day out ng mga tita. I swear, ang lakas maka-tita vibes ng spa date. Ter treated us all for a massage date just because we are all stressed in life. I really never liked massages because I get tickled so easily but since this is free, I went. I was laughing and giggling the whole time. Good thing my masseuse was very patient with me :)

This was one of the best summer of my life. I love catching up and going out so yeah. BEST. SUMMER. EVER.

#21 Try something daring

CLIFF DIVING!

My recent trip to Siquijor really challenged the adventurous side of me. I am afraid of a lot of things and heights is one of them but since this is the year of spontaneity and adventure, I went for it. I was super excited when Marvsz and I were planning this trip because we read about how enchanting Siquijor is. We got more excited when we saw that they have a cliff diving site in Salagdoong Beach and the tarzan rope at Cambugahay falls. I was pumping myself out to do this because I might chicken out (haha!)

When we got there, it took me an hour to jump off the cliff and another 20 minutes to jump again. There were a lot of people watching which made me more scared to jump (most of them are locals there). But I did it. After everything, Marvsz and I couldn't help but smile on the way back to the resort.

We were just so happy that we can finally cross another item off our bucket list!

#leyteracay

"Let us not abandon our country. First, never stop hoping for this country. Second, never stop caring for our people. Third, demand greatness from yourself as a Filipino. And fourth, inspire greatness in other Filipinos. Then poverty will end even before 2024."  -Tony Meloto

Normally, Gawad Kalinga's Bayani Challenge is a one week event where volunteers from all over the country come together in one place to build houses for the poor. This year, the Bayani Challenge (BC) is extra special for the victims of Yolanda, Bohol earthquake and the Zamboanga siege. Gawad Kalinga brought the BC to the next level when they announced that this year, it will be held for 2 months (April 9-June 12) in 12 provinces. For this year, I joined my family and friends in Leyte to serve in the Bayani Challenge family edition :)

The kids ready to go to Tacloban

DAY 1. We arrived Tacloban on Friday and this is what welcomed us. 

Airport's arrival area

You can still see the massive destruction Yolanda left. Everything was manually done, the checking of baggage, giving out of check in baggage, checking in etc. When we toured around the city, you can see more damages that will really break your heart. I can't imagine how strong the winds were that can destroy buildings and warehouses. :( We also saw different mass graves and pictures of kids are everywhere. I can't help but cry.

We went straight to the site in Tanauan, Leyte to start building. We had a scrumptious lunch prepared by the residents there then went straight to work. 

The GK site in Tanauan, Leyte

With party music blasting on the stereo, we started sifting sand under the sun. During Bayani Challenge weeks, I never worry about my color. This is the only time that I know I can be dark and be proud of it. After 2 blisters and several calluses, we decided to start painting houses. We were joined by the Cruzes, Santoses and Wilk's children. Seeing the little ones paint houses for the victims of Yolanda is very inspiring. 

Diwa, the youngest BC volunteer!

Since the kids overtook the painting scene, my brother and I decided to dig for septic tanks. I dug my first septic tank in Gabaldon and ever since then, I have been an expert (GK Ateneo is famous for septic tank digging). It would always be an honor for me to serve alongside my brother who is an inspiration to me.

Ateneo represent!

Year end post

I couldn't say much about 2013 without sounding hurt, sad and bitter but 2013 was really full of disappointments, heartaches and people leaving. It was such a hard year for me because of the breakup, the moving out thing, my mother leaving for Canada and work related issues. Despite all those, I remained strong. But of course, I could have not done it without family and friends who were there to back me up. I just have to thank them all personally and give them the tightest hug I can just to say thank you. 2013 has really taught me a lot.

I wouldn't remember 2013 as full of heartaches but I would remember that year as the year that I was strong enough to face everything.

So cheers to 2014, the year that I will continue to become the best version of myself :)

Blessed and Humbled

Last September/October was a depressing month. I don't know if this was the time everything was sinking in or there are just too many issues happening at the same time. Whatever it was, I felt like I needed a retreat in my life. Jessie invited me to Life Directions months ago. I actually forgot about the invite and I just remembered it when one of her friends (who eventually became my friend) tagged me in her post. Plus I saw it in the Blue Post (Ateneo alumni email group). I asked Geo (since she was the secretariat) if there were still slots and lucky for me, there were still 10 slots :) I signed up, paid for it then went this weekend.

I went to the retreat alone because I want to reflect by myself without any friends around. Also, I would like to share my story to people I don't know. I just feel like it's easier for me now to tell my story to strangers. But God was really not making this easy when I arrived there and saw a lot of Gawad Kalinga friends (This was God trying to be funny). Anyway, the retreat gave me enlightenment and realizations. I would not go into the details of the retreat because it's better if you attend it. I would just talk about some main realizations and feelings for this weekend.

1. I am in the process of growth. During confession, Father Vic told me that I'm in pain because I am in a process of growth. This struck me so much because this is what I learned from the Better Story Project workshop last October.

2. Trust in the slow ways of God. God will really bless you in ways you wouldn't expect. I have been very impatient for all the my prayers to be answered and for all the hurt go away. I have been eager to feel better and happier again. But this retreat made sure that I remember to trust God in His plan and not be too selfish in thinking about my own feelings.

3. I am not alone in this journey. I came here at the retreat because I feel alone but God answered me that I will never be alone in this journey. I attended the retreat to find answers but He told me that I don't need answers, I just need people to share stories with so that I'll feel understood. Once I shared my story, there are other people who share the same story as I do. I was really blessed to be part of a shared group who can relate to my experience. I am thankful for having new friends who inspired me that life will get better because they all experienced what I'm experiencing now. I am still feeling very thankful now :)

4. Choose your companions well. I have learned that every person in my life has a purpose. Once friendship or love has ended, his/her purpose in my life is done. I should stop forcing myself in other people's lives. I should choose people who will make me a better person. I should choose companions who will not make me feel alone.

LD Batch 94 :)

There are a lot of other realizations but these are the main points I have. Life Directions has really helped me feel better. I've been praying a lot for the healing of my heart, mind and soul and this retreat helped me start from scratch and create a better version of myself. God really made me feel His presence through the new friends I met. It was a very humbling experience to know that God will still be there even though you're broken. :)

* God was really trying to be funny on the way home. Through out the retreat, I was praying for the healing of my heart because of the breakup that happened last June. After the retreat, I realized that I should stop blaming myself for what happened and accept it more. Then on the way home, my ex texted me (first time he texted me after everything that happened). I can't help but laugh because I don't know if God was testing me or just trying to be funny.

[DELAYED POST] Singapore 2013

Last Sept 19, I flew with Rhea and Ter to Singapore to celebrate Jessie's birthday (Backstory: Jessie's assigned there for 6 months and it's her birthday on Sept 29.) Knowing my friends, it's so hard to plan any trips/getaway with them because of all the conflicting schedules; so we're all excited that this pushed through and it's always been our dream to travel abroad together :)

Bringing the jejeness to Singapore

Since Jessie has work and we arrived at around 8am, we have to go around by ourselves. But our itinerary has been planned days before so we kinda know where to go. Top of my list was Ikea (I need home decor ideas) so we went there first. Then roam around Bugis Village because it's just near Jessie's hotel.

Luckily/Unluckily, it was Formula 1 weekend when we were there. So yes, there were a lot of people and LOADS OF PRETTY CARS!! We also saw Bianca Gonzales and Raymond Gutierrez there. Anyway, we met with Jessie after her work then went to Singapore flyer because it will be closed due to F1 for the weekend. 

At the race track! :)

Singapore flyer

We had dinner at Orchard then had free desserts c/o Jessie (All the ice cream at their office is 50% or 70% off!!!) WOHOOOO.

When we were there, it was also the first day of the launch of the iPhone 5S and this is what welcomed us at one store: CRAZZYY. Yeah, Singapore was event filled when we were there.

Ogie followed the next day and we just went shopping and met with our relatives. That night, we also went drinking at Haji Lane. It was a pretty cool bar because they offer customized drinks. You're going to tell the waiter what you're feeling right now / what you want your drink to make you feel. So basically, you're just gonna tell him a few adjectives (i.e, something refreshing and sweet) and they will come up with the ingredients for your drink. It's pretty amazing :)

Then Marianne followed Saturday. Since we're now complete, this is the perfect time to tour the city so that was what we did the whole day. We walked and walked and walked and walked the whoooole day! (Plus some roads are closed because of the F1 so we were really required to walk) Singapore is a walk-able city so it was okay. Plus the transportation system was freakin' organized. This is what I want for my country! 

Anyway, we went to Merlion, National Museum, Orchard, Haji Lane, Bugis Village, Clark Quay etc. Then we also went shopping at H&M, looked for the Abercrombie models at Orchard, photo ops and more. It was a good trip although I wish we got to see more of Singapore. I will definitely go back to tour more and eat more of Singaporean food. 

SO YEAH #5 OF MY 30BEFORE30 FINISHED :)

Beauty matters

I attended the Better Story Project workshop last Saturday :) I have been itching to attend one workshop ever since I found out about it months ago. Good thing they held the workshop here at Quezon City so it’s nearer. Anyway, the workshop was all about beauty. We may not give too much attention about this topic but it really is important for all the girls out there. I bet there are a lot of girls who don’t see themselves as beautiful creatures just because nobody is telling them they are beautiful. So right now, I’m gonna tell everybody that YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. YOU MAY NOT HAVE LONG LASHES OR A POINTED NOSE. YOU MAY NOT FIT IN A SIZE ZERO DRESS. YOU MAY BE JUST NEARLY 5 FEET TALL AND ALL THE IMPERFECTIONS YOU CAN THINK OF… BUT YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

This is the post card giveaway I got from the talk :) This was made by Aia. Just a reminder to all the girls out there.

I have learned so much from the workshop and the whole afternoon was just full of encouragement and empowerment. Some people may have made me feel less about myself this year but I’m not gonna let them think I’m not beautiful. I’m not going to let people made me feel I’m not worthy of the love. I’m worth loving and so are you :) I always loved the quote, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent” So stop listening to other people’s negative view about you. Feel beautiful, be beautiful, share your beauty to other people, whether it be your talent or your kind heart :)

There was one point that Ms. Aileen Ponce mentioned during her talk. It was that growth is painful. But growth means change. And change means you’re getting better. This really struck me because I have been going through a lot of pain these past few months. I have been facing huge changes and I’m on the “moving on to be a better person” phase right now. Life has been really shitty but I’m still very psyched about my future because I know I’m stronger and now, I know that I’m still beautiful even if I have been hurt :)

A picture before leaving :)

I would definitely attend more workshops and I encourage other people to attend too :) Plus I won gift certificates from Manos Nail Lounge. YEY! Thanks Fel! :)

Moving on and starting anew

2013 has been a jerk to me. It has been a very rocky roller coaster ride where most of the time I was down (and wasn't fun). This year started with a bang but went rolling down as the months passed by. I wouldn't say though that everything that happened this year was tragic. I would just like to say that this year wasn't very good to me. It's not new to people that my boyfriend of 1 year broke up with me. This taught me some valuable lessons about life, love and myself. I also figured out the real people that I could count on. So a simple reminder to all the girls who experienced the same shit as I did:

"Just because your boyfriend split up with you does NOT mean that you aren't an absolutely wonderful, loveable person. It also doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you at all. All it means is that you weren't compatible. And what does he know anyway? Whatever his reasoning, focus on you and your strengths. Sometimes emotions are too strong for our reasoning and it's okay to have a good cry."

I have a few issues with my family and work too. Well, it actually fits in the same category because I started working at our family business last March. My family faced a few struggles too this year and I did not like it very much. Two of my brothers moved out the house already and I'm still not used to the emptiness in our house. Maybe this is the reason I always go out and hang with friends. As for work, there will just be days that I'm not happy and I feel incompetent because of some issues I won't elaborate anymore.

So far, 2013 has not been a good year but I won't deny that I had great memories from different people this year. I just realized lately that I need to stop thinking so much about the past and the bad things that happened to me. It's time to move on and start fresh. So I am saying goodbye to all those bad memories 2013 gave me and hello to the wonderful memories that will be created for the rest of 2013.

Related to my moving on and starting anew realization, I would like to share with you this quote I found on tumblr that made me realize all these shiz:

“Don’t start your day with the broken pieces of yesterday. Every day is a fresh start. Each day is a new beginning. Every morning we wake up is the first day of the rest of our life.”

Losing people

I'm afraid of losing people in my life, especially if they have been a part of my life for years. Maybe that's the reason why death of loved ones top my list of fears. Well, thankfully, all my loved ones are still alive but I won't say I haven't lost some really close people in my life this year. This was really not my year and all the bad things just kept happening. Although I'm not really focusing on that because there have been great things that happened to me :) I just can't avoid the thought that people always leave, especially those whom you care most about.

There are people whom you look up to and you love so much, then one unfortunate event happens then everything that you learned from her just shatters into pieces. The bridge has been burned and I don't even know how to mend my feelings for you. But don't ever think that I don't love you because I still do and I will take care of you when you get old, even if you don't want to. It just hurts that every time I see you, I can clearly remember what you said and how you acted, it hurts so much.

There are also people whom you will care about so much that you're willing to do anything to work things out but it won't be enough for that person. These people would try to boost your confidence up then take them away in one snap and this will hurt so much. It would really take you down, especially your self-esteem. But all you got to do is pick the pieces up and mend it one day at a time.

Healing is a process and it doesn't happen fast. Patience is the key and just let things be. There would be darker days but remember

Uninspired

I have been battling a lot of issues these past few days and I don't even know where I can get inspiration from. This is not even about my ex anymore, it's all about the family, my work and myself.

This thing about the family is emotionally draining. I just really feel so emotional about the whole issue because everyone is really trying their best to fix everything but you're the only one who's not cooperating. I just feel so depressed that you're burning a few bridges and I'm not even sure if we can build it back. This is just too much to take in especially if I'm so stressed and busy with other aspects in my life.

When I entered our family business, I was assigned in HR and there are a lot of things that need to be fixed. Then since Christmas is coming up, we need to double our sales so the board decided that I should handle sales too (together with Marketing). It's just too much to handle with my state right now. I know that I can do it, it's just that I can't do it well. I really want to do my best and excel but I'm just really uninspired right now. But with a little help from my friends, I know I can do this.

Okay, the issue with myself is so confusing that even I can't understand so let's just not talk about it.

July 2013: A month of new beginnings

July has been nothing but good to me. It reminded me of friends I haven't seen in a while (Starbucks officemates, UST blockmates), activities I haven't done in a while (dancing) and it continued to bring me closer to people I love (family, high school friends) :) I also discovered new places and activities for my life. I am very grateful for everything despite all the losses and failures. I may be knocked out a lot of times but I will continue to fight (I think people should be more like this. It's hard, I know, but you'll get the hang of it. Just believe in yourself)

What's up in July?

1. Joined Ter in her group classes in 360. I got to (sort of) dance again after 23128395293 years. 
2. Two of my brothers finally moved out of the house. Even if I don't approve of this abrupt move, I am happy for both of them. More houses to visit and hangout ;)
3. Hangouts with old office mates I haven't seen in a while at Whistlestop. It's good to be back and see my old office. I also enjoyed seeing familiar faces :)
4. Night out with UST blockmates  I haven't seen for a year at Prive. I was happy to get to talk to them as if we just saw each other yesterday. It's time to catch up with them and make future plans :) I also haven't partied after 39418724820 years so it was a very fun night.
5. New beginning for me because Gladys finally moved out of my room. We now have our own room. I am enjoying my new CLEAN room but I feel sad sometimes to be alone so I sleepover at her room (or she sleeps over at my room)
6. A trip back to our hometown at San Pablo, Laguna. This was a weekend of just hanging out with brothers and cousins. We also discovered new restaurants at San Pablo. The short tour was full of new discoveries at an old place we all sort of grew up in.
7. New activity: SHOOTING. Since I have time and I dug up my 30before30 list, I am starting to finish it. Firing a gun was part of my list and I finally did it last July. OMG, YOU DON'T KNOW HOW HAPPY I AM. All my hate and irritation in my life was released there. It was therapeutic haha! 
8. We surprised Rhea during her birthday at Vikings. Another hangout with old friends that I will forever love :) 
9. Gawad Kalinga will forever be in my heart and blood so I attended the Bayanijam last month to support my brother and watch different musicians from Gawad Kalinga communities. GK will always inspire me. Rivermaya played that night together with the kids from GK communities. Thank you so much Rivermaya for giving them that opportunity to jam with you. There will be another Bayanijam this August so message me if you wanna go. I swear, your 150 is worth it :)

So that's it for July. There are more hangouts in between but these are just some of the highlights. Thank you July for giving me a new beginning in life. Hoping I could be a better person and leave all the negative vibes in the past :)

I'm okay (And I mean it)

It's very liberating to tell people that you're okay and actually mean it :) Yesterday, a common friend of ours asked me how I am. I told her, I'm okay. Then she asked me if I'm feeling better. And I said, "Yes, better." Then I just sang and laughed with them all night while Rivermaya is playing at the background.

It feels so good to say those words and know in you're heart that it's true. I'm okay. There would be days where I would remember but I'm okay in general (If you know what I mean.) I just accepted the fact that shit happens and what happened to me was one huge pile of shit but I won't stay in that shit forever. 

I want to live my life as much as I can. I am happy (sometimes I feel alone) but I'm happy and enjoying my life.

#18 Visit a firing range and fire a gun

I had the time to visit a firing range last July 18. I researched first for a good shooting range here in Manila and this was what I found. Agi and I went to Armscor Shooting Range at Makati Cinema Square. I read at their website that they offer free shooting lessons for first-timers but when we went there, they were clueless about it. They charge P 1000 for 50 bullets. I was willing to pay that much but Agi was hesitant. Since I don't want to go alone, I asked if we could share the 50 bullets and they agreed :)

The people there are really friendly and they will really teach you how to safely fire and hold a gun. Although I was quite nervous at first, I enjoyed my experience there.

Nervous but yeah, let's do this!

Then I remembered the episodes from How I met your mother :) Feeling Robin Scherbatsky while firing a gun. (Yes, I'm referring to the breakup episode of Robin). I seriously don't know what I'm feeling towards him anymore (And no, I don't want to shoot a person) but this really helped released all those bad feelings I have because of him. 

Releasing the inner Robin Scherbatsky in me

I enjoyed trying something new that day. This part of my life is where I do new things and discover something I don't know about myself. I never thought I could fire a gun but I did :) So yes, I'm really into new beginnings this time. And hopefully, I'll get through the problems still coming my way. 

Photo ops

Very thankful for Agi for coming with me :)

#18 OF MY 30BEFORE30 LIST DONE. WOHOOOO.

30 before 30 list :)

I had this list with me for a while and since I have more free time, I plan on finishing this 30 before 30 list :) Sharing with you, loves, my:

30 before 30 list

1. Learn to bake
2. Learn to cook and actually cook for someone (family, friends or someone special)

3. Learn to ride a bike - When I was a child, our parents bought us a bike. My brother first learned how to ride a bike. When it was my turn, our bike broke :( After that, I never had the chance to learn how to bike.

4. Travel alone - I always dreamed of getting away from the busy streets of Manila and just travel alone. A short soul searching may be of help in my life. It's always good to just get away and have time for yourself :)

5. Travel abroad with friends

6. Read books (I have a list with me. Will share it next time)
7. Food trips at Maginhawa, Katipunan, Kapitolyo and somewhere South :)
8. Have my palm read or see a tarot card reader
9. Volunteer to teach or tutor kids and inspire them - I love kids. I enjoy being around innocent, little children even if they can be a brat sometimes. I firmly believe that a person's childhood has a great impact on his future. There are a lot of children here in the Philippines who are not given the opportunity to study and do what they want and I would love to be of help to those children. Education is the key but I want to be there to inspire, not just teach. Plus, kids say the cutest things :)
10. Exercise more and get that body that you want
11. Be a member in a gym and actually go to the gym

12. Try pole dancing at least once
13. Learn different hairstyles
14. Join an environment related org
15. Climb a mountain (Hopefully Mt. Pulag)
16. Finish a marathon (Yes, 5K will do!)
17. Try diving

18. Visit a firing range and fire a gun

19. Free turtles in the ocean
20. Go to Palawan

21. Try something daring (Cliff diving, Bungee jumping etc)
22. Go and see Mt. Pinatubo
23. Swim with the dolphins
24. Learn how to love and trust again - My heart has been through a lot, especially this year. So I'm scared again to put myself out there but I want to be brave and strong to finally love someone again and trust him with my heart. Yes, this may sound really cheesy but it's the truth. I think I'm a hopeless romantic in nature and I believe in love, I'm just scared to get really hurt again.
25. Go on a road trip with someone special - This is something I always dreamed of. I would love to just spend a weekend somewhere unknown with the person I love :) Someday.
26. Be in a serious relationship and get married
27. Get pregnant and have a cute baby boy (hopefully) but a girl is fine
28. Buy my own car
29. Continue updating and writing for this blog
30. Celebrate my 30th birthday at a place I love (a province or a country)

Wish me luck that I can finish everything before my 30th birthday :) Here's to adventure and self-discovering!

Cheers to 7 years of adventure :)