Monday, November 18, 2013

Blessed and Humbled

Last September/October was a depressing month. I don't know if this was the time everything was sinking in or there are just too many issues happening at the same time. Whatever it was, I felt like I needed a retreat in my life. Jessie invited me to Life Directions months ago. I actually forgot about the invite and I just remembered it when one of her friends (who eventually became my friend) tagged me in her post. Plus I saw it in the Blue Post (Ateneo alumni email group). I asked Geo (since she was the secretariat) if there were still slots and lucky for me, there were still 10 slots :) I signed up, paid for it then went this weekend.

I went to the retreat alone because I want to reflect by myself without any friends around. Also, I would like to share my story to people I don't know. I just feel like it's easier for me now to tell my story to strangers. But God was really not making this easy when I arrived there and saw a lot of Gawad Kalinga friends (This was God trying to be funny). Anyway, the retreat gave me enlightenment and realizations. I would not go into the details of the retreat because it's better if you attend it. I would just talk about some main realizations and feelings for this weekend.

1. I am in the process of growth. During confession, Father Vic told me that I'm in pain because I am in a process of growth. This struck me so much because this is what I learned from the Better Story Project workshop last October.

2. Trust in the slow ways of God. God will really bless you in ways you wouldn't expect. I have been very impatient for all the my prayers to be answered and for all the hurt go away. I have been eager to feel better and happier again. But this retreat made sure that I remember to trust God in His plan and not be too selfish in thinking about my own feelings.

3. I am not alone in this journey. I came here at the retreat because I feel alone but God answered me that I will never be alone in this journey. I attended the retreat to find answers but He told me that I don't need answers, I just need people to share stories with so that I'll feel understood. Once I shared my story, there are other people who share the same story as I do. I was really blessed to be part of a shared group who can relate to my experience. I am thankful for having new friends who inspired me that life will get better because they all experienced what I'm experiencing now. I am still feeling very thankful now :)

4. Choose your companions well. I have learned that every person in my life has a purpose. Once friendship or love has ended, his/her purpose in my life is done. I should stop forcing myself in other people's lives. I should choose people who will make me a better person. I should choose companions who will not make me feel alone.

LD Batch 94 :)
There are a lot of other realizations but these are the main points I have. Life Directions has really helped me feel better. I've been praying a lot for the healing of my heart, mind and soul and this retreat helped me start from scratch and create a better version of myself. God really made me feel His presence through the new friends I met. It was a very humbling experience to know that God will still be there even though you're broken. :)

* God was really trying to be funny on the way home. Through out the retreat, I was praying for the healing of my heart because of the breakup that happened last June. After the retreat, I realized that I should stop blaming myself for what happened and accept it more. Then on the way home, my ex texted me (first time he texted me after everything that happened). I can't help but laugh because I don't know if God was testing me or just trying to be funny.

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