Thursday, April 29, 2010

Hey Nathan,

Breaking up and getting back has been our thing back then. Like an on-off relationship? It's kinda hard but I got used to it so telling you 'Break na tayo' became very easy 'coz I know we'll get back together after a day or two. But I guess it was not a really good excuse to go behind my back flirting with some girl. You're hurt, I get it. You should have just told me directly.

It was our 2nd year anniversary, that day we fought and I said that we are through. I was waiting for you to patch things up but you never came. So I tried fixing up the mess I made. I tried real hard and then you said those 4 words I never expected to hear from you, "I like somebody else." It f*ckin hurts. My heart was broken into pieces I could never pick up and mend. I tried waiting until you come to your senses and then I figured waiting was becoming boring so I let go. It was very hard. A part of me will always be with you.

Then there was this guy. His name was John Lloyd. I liked him and I figured she liked me back so we started hanging out. I thought he was the one who could glue those broken pieces together but he wasn't brave enough. He was a jerk, just like you but... he's not you.

2 years after, I am still broken. I was not sure if I can trust a guy again. You kinda took away that trust. I put so much faith in you that I did not realize it was too much. I wanted to fall in love again but I just can't. It was too painful...

Then Johnny came to my life. He became the best guy friend ever! We talked a lot. We hanged out a few times. Well, I did not really like him the way I did when we were still friends. He was real nice and sweet. We did things we used to do. Then it hit me, maybe he was the one who can prove me wrong.
He said he loved me.
I said I can't.
He said he'll wait.
I said thanks and I am sorry.
We stayed real good friends. He kept on telling me he love me every single day. Well, he did tell me that... until the day that he told me he got back with his ex girlfriend.
I really thought he will save me from my miseries. I thought I was ready to love and trust again. I was about to consider him but there I was.. ALONE, feeling real stupid for making a fool out of myself again but most of all, I was hurt... again. He gave me another heartache that proved me that men are real jerks, yes like you. And now, I am hurt more than ever.

After that, I can't seem to trust again. I am too afraid. I was fooled 3 times. I needed someone. You are no where to be found. John Lloyd was gone and Johnny just used me. I leaned on my friends and they understood me. I realize that I don't really need a man because I have the greatest true friends ever in the whole world. I miss Johnny because he was a great friend. I miss you because we used to be a great couple. but sometimes, a person needs to be alone to appreciate what she have.

Now, I look back at the past and I see that you two are still together. John Lloyd has some girl and Johnny, well, she is still with her girlfriend. Then I realized I was alone for too long. I needed to open my heart again to someone who deserves it.

I moved on... from you, from Johnny and from all the heartaches. I am now ready. Maybe I just have to wait.

You were my first, maybe the last but never the less, I never regretted all the hiding. ;) You will forever be my first love and thank you for making me learn... the hard way.

PS: You are still a jerk. ;)

K. I am being dramatic because of all these OTH marathons and watching super cheesy movies LOL. Everything that is written above is a product of my imagination and emotions. THAT IS NOT MY EXPERIENCE, mkay? Well, some parts are INSPIRED by my experience and random people's experience too. This is what happens to me when boredom and cheesyness and sadness meets. :)
Oh and btw, all the names are changed. All the names are the names of my crush. Guess who na lang?haha! =))

K. Goodnight. haha! This is me being 20 and letting go. NAT. haha!

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Ok. This maybe one of the best birthdays ever. I really had fun.

20 things I did today:
  1. woke up very early in the morning.
  2. went to mass with father.
  3. replied to text messages.
  4. replied to facebook messages.
  5. replied to twitter messages.
  6. ate a lot.
  7. went to the grocery with Mommy Coco, Kuya Mark, Sining and Jairus.
  8. played with the kids.
  9. went to Kuya Mark's house.
  10. ate more.
  11. went to UP with the boys, Gladys, Ate Coco and the kids.
  12. bought cake.
  13. blew her cake.
  14. took pictures.
  15. laughed with family.
  16. replied to the super sabaw facebook note of my barkada haha! Vigan trip planning for the win.
  17. made Sining girl a facebook account.
  18. made this blog.
  19. prayed and thanked God for another year.
  20. slept.
Yehey, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME. Thanks a lot to the people who remembered and saw in Facebook and gave a second to write a birthday message in my wall :) I love youuu everyone and I really appreciated everything.
So this is how 20 feels like, parang 13 lang pala. LOL. :))

Oh and btw.. While we were eating lunch, my mom kept on insisting that I should get a boyfriend. Uhh, medyo nakakainis but oh well. Haha!
Kk poez, thank youuuu again. :) Parang ang walang kwenta ng post na toh haha!

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Random rants.
OHMYGOSH, It is freakin HOT. I SRSLY want to take off my clothes and sleep but I can't because I am here at work lol. Yes, I am working.. again, at our family business. I am not really sure if I want to be here but I am trying my best. Seriously, I can't see myself working here but I still have 2 years to decide so hello summer jobs.

I want to go out, shop, swim and go to the beach but I can't because I do not have moolah and I have work. Ow and btw, please pray for my brother who is in the hospital right now. He went under an operation because he had appendicitis. His appendix was removed, eew. lol. So we were supposed to go to Laguna this weekend for a double celebration of my birthday and Zac's but because of the emergency operation, it was cancelled :( At first, I thought it was okay but then I realize I want to swimmm and that was my only break from work. But anyways, I hope I can enjoy my birthday this year unlike last year. Oh and I am turning 20 which makes me.. uhh, OLD so I don't really want Sunday to come. YAAAAK lol.

And hey, did you notice my blog layout change? It's pretty right? Simple and clean. Yehey :) After a year, I finally change my layout again.
K, enough ranting. Byeeeee. ;)

Monday, April 12, 2010

I am a Youth for Christ member for 7 years now. I feel so old and uhh, old. I used to be just a member and part of the babies in the chapter but now, I am one of the old people and I am surrounded by very young kids. LOL. and in a few years, I can be part of SFC already and that thought really makes me feel so so so old :( Anyways, I have been to 6 International Leader's Conference already and every ILC, I learn different things that makes me grow as a daughter, sister, YFC member, student and a child of God.

So I am back from ILC Baguio. I am inspired, motivated and moved.
I did not really plan on going to ILC because of some reasons I do not want to elaborate because it's too personal lol. but I did because of hmm, I really do not know. Maybe because of Abi or I just want to go to Baguio and have a vacation. I am not really sure but what I am sure of is I am going not because of the ILC itself but since God loves me so so much, He made me realize a lot of things and He does moves in mysterious ways.

My ILC experience was really brought TO THE MAX. To the max ang lamig sa Baguio tuwing gabi at To the max ang init nung Sunday morning :)) Ok, I really thought about the things that hinders me from living fully and boy did I thought of a lot of things. I am like this now because of all my insecurities, desperation, grudges and fear. I am not getting what I want because of these things and I believe God is really preparing me for something better and wonderful. I may be sad right now and in pain but I will be okay and very happy when the right time comes. I am alive so I should live. I should really dwell on the present and stop looking at the past. Yes, so someday I will learn how to live fully and really live to the max because God's love for me is to the max.


Count your blessings. Yes, I kind of forgot that but ILC made me remember it. When I was a kid, I used to thank God for everything.. the trees, flowers, sky, stars and other small stuff. lol. And during the ILC, I remembered those little things that make me happy and I suddenly feel so so blessed again. I will forever be thankful for all my blessings including these people that makes me happy in YFC.
I haven't been really active for the past years so I forgot what it feels like to worship and just praise God. This ILC really made me remember a lot of things I already forgot. I will try my best to be really active again and as ex-Chapter head of F2, I will really try my best to help the chapter be inspired and motivated as I am right now because that is all I can contribute. I will forever be proud to be part of North B, especially North B6c. I will start to serve God again.. TO THE MAX.

I'll forever worship you, My God with all of my heart.