Friday, June 21, 2013

My own how to handle a breakup :)

It's been a while and I think I'm sort of ready to blog about it. It was not easy but sometimes, you have to accept the fact that things end. But this blog post is not about me hating you or talking about the things you've done to hurt me. I would like to dedicate this to all the people going through what I'm going through right now. I've been very lucky to have handled this smoothly. I could still remember the year of 2005 (Oh, the horror) where I did all the "what not to do after a breakup". So to all my fellow women (or men) who are going through a breakup, this is for you :)

1. Find your support group
I was very lucky to have the best support group. I was surrounded by people who loves me. I swear, the past two weeks was time for family and friends. They never let me stay at home doing nothing and I never stayed home din naman. Hihi. All of them are one text away. Also, all the comforting and inspiring words that are helping me move on comes from them :) I'm still very thankful for these people whom I call family and friends.

2. Time to abuse your friends
Go out as much as you like. Contact all your old friends whom you haven't seen for a long time. That's what I did. At the first day, I went out with high school friends. The 2nd day, I drank with my DB's. The following days were for my family and I also got to meet up with college friends, YFC friends and random friends. Hehe! I have more dates in line for next week and I can't wait :)

3. Listen to The Script or Sugarfree songs (or whatever heartbreak songs you have)
My forever heartbreak songs come from these two bands and yes, I listened to them when I can. It really helped to just let it all out. I'm not saying that hearing these songs will not make you cry because it will. And crying is good for a time like this. Yes, I listened to Before the Worst by The Script for a few nights and it really helped.
We we're thinking we would never be apart 
With your name tattooed across my heart 
Who would have thought it would end up like this?
Where everything we talked about is gone 
And the only chance we have of moving on 

Is trying to take it back 
Before it all went wrong
4. Retail therapy
I did some shopping. Shopping makes me happy (Well, short term happiness but still happiness). Since I don't have any dates to save up for, I'll have more money for myself :) 

5. Share. Share. Share. Tell your story to your trusted friends and just cry it all out.
During the first week of the breakup, everyday I tell my breakup story to anyone who wants to listen. I cried (A LOT) but it really helped. It helps to share and just let it all out. Now, when I tell friends about our breakup story, I don't cry anymore but I'm still hurting (still on the healing process). But I know someday, it will hurt no more. 

6. At one point, stop asking about the past
Ate Coco reminded me this: Stop asking questions like "Bakit hindi nagwork?, bakit dati ganito?" You gotta tell yourself slow by slow to start moving on to questions about your future like, "How should I start regaining bits and pieces of myself to be whole again?" It really helps to stop dwelling on the past. Stop regretting, that will lead you nowhere.

In time, when you're ready, I think deleting old pictures and messages really helps. I did all that yesterday and it was liberating. I was crying while deleting everything but yes, it's for the better. I deleted pictures from my laptop and phone, deleted all his messages on my phone, deleted the tumblr blog I created for him and the pinterest board I'm planning to let him read in the future. Plus, I returned all the shirts I borrowed from him and old letters I never had the chance to give. I'm a person who dwells too much in the past and this breakup has thought me that that is not good for the soul and the heart :) So I let go of things that I know will stop me from moving on.

7. Think positive
Believe that you'll get pass this. I am telling you now, it's not an easy journey. It will be hard. There will be a time when you thought you're okay then you'll see something that reminds you of him and then you'll feel that you're still not okay... and that's totally normal. There's nothing wrong with you. Regression is part of moving on but never stay there. Move forward. There's no other way but up :)

8. Avoid being alone but when alone just cry, if you want to!
Being alone is not helpful for me because I know I'll just sulk then read old messages, look at pictures and read old letters and for me, it's not helpful at all. So as much as possible, I go out at night and I don't go home unless I'm sleepy (haha!). But you can't avoid being alone sometimes. When that happens, just cry if you want to. Just cry until it hurts no more :)

9. Create new memories
Don't avoid places that used to be special to you. It's time to create new memories. There are a lot of places that make me remember him like my house, Ate Coco's house, Trinoma, Shi Lin etc.. but that would not stop me from still going to Trinoma, eating at Shi Lin and having sleepovers at 10 Blake. You must not dwell on the past. It's time to create new memories with people who loves you :)

10. An adventure awaits
As cliche as it sounds, "Keeping yourself busy" really helps :) I have new activities that I'm excited to engaged in. Think about your life and think of an old hobby that you haven't done for a while. I also have loads of travels for this year and I can't wait. I'll be going to Caramoan next month, Cebu in August, Singapore in September, Hopefully Mt. Pulag in November then Hongkong/Singapore again for December (This depends on my sister though) then I have another Cebu trip on January then BALI sometime early next year! Plus, I'm looking for new foundations to participate in because I need activities to fill my heart :) I'm open for anything right now. I want to try new things :)

11. On being friends
Being friends will not help you if you still have feelings for the person. I still have feelings for him and he wants us to be friends but I can't. I want to but I can't and I don't want to risk my heart with that kind of pain. I have asked a lot of people and they all told me not to be friends because I'm not yet ready. So yes, don't try to be friends with your ex when you still have feelings for him. Someday, but not soon :)

To you: So this is the last blog post I'm going to write about you. I admit that I'm still not over you but I decided that I need to move on. I don't want to stay in the past and be the only one stuck there. When I saw you yesterday, I can tell that you clearly moved on weeks ago which is very unfair for me. You have been really unfair to me but I don't really care now. I still love you, but I don't want to be the only one fighting. I'm a person who doesn't really give up on people whom I love, that's why until yesterday, I'm still trying to fight but I realized that this will lead nowhere because you clearly gave up. I really thought that what we had was something really special but everything was one sided in our relationship. I'm having a hard time moving on and I don't want to hurt anymore :( I am missing you everyday but someday, this will stop. I really hope it's sooner but I'm decided that I have to let you go and let go of the thought that you're the one. I hope that someday, when someone loves you as much as I do, you won't let her go. I hope that someday you'll be ready. Don't do to her what you did to me. Thank you for the 1 year of love and friendship :)


Jessica Molina said...

Great tips, mare! I remember being part of your support team back in 2005! Haha. Miss you xx

Candice said...

Great tips you've got right there! Keep it up and God bless in embracing the single life :)

Tepainie said...

Jess: HAHAHA Oh no, those days! I'm handling this breakup pretty well haha! Thank you for being there during my dark days, Mare! Haha! I miss you too!

Candice: Thank you! I will, I will :)