It's about time to use my heart.

A few days ago, I was sitting on a tree stump, overlooking Baguio City with numerous thoughts on my mind. I kept on thinking about the years that were and the years that will be. It kept on running on my mind that I felt really tired... not physically but mentally.

The senior's 5-day silent retreat held in Baguio City was a very fulfilling experience that I would never forget. As those thoughts run through my head, I felt exhausted until my retreat director reminded me to stop using my mind. I have been using it for the past 4 years in Ateneo and it was time to use my heart. And she was right. The moment I used my heart, I heard the things I have been ignoring for the past few years that I have been busy with school and other stuff.

The retreat helped me to make time for myself... to know myself again and to rebuild my relationship with the Being who I've been ignoring. I learned so much about myself and even if answers were not given to me, I'm satisfied with what I accomplished during the retreat. It's more than answers about my future that I needed, it was knowing myself again then after that, I can be more confident about my future.

It's really a great way of being a better person, seriously. It's not just thanking God about the years in Ateneo but continuing to be grateful for all the blessings that will come. It's not just knowing what career to pursue but following Jesus' values and being an example to people around you. And it's not just about thinking and knowing answers but feeling and sharing love.

So I came to the retreat for discernment about my career and this other thing but I found out something more... It will something that I will treasure forever.

The future will be confusing and hard but that won’t stop me from doing the things I love and being brave to take a leap of faith :)

Just because it's the month of love

I don't know if this is the right time but today, I will write about...

You were once a dream, a dream I never expected to come true. You seem so far away and I thought that you will forever be lost. But then you came and now, I am as happy as ever.

You make my heart skip a beat again. You make me smile randomly while thinking of you. You make me excited when my phone beeps or rings. You just made me alive again...

You made me so alive that I am beginning to become scared. Scared that you might leave me, the way others have left me. I always have this issue on trust and as days go by, I feel like my guards are going down. I don't want this to happen... well, someday but not yet.

I won't say anything about love because it's not yet that. In denial or not, what I definitely know and will forever be sure is that I AM HAPPY and I will forever remember the days you made me happy so in the end(whether the ending will be happy or not), I can say that that I did not regret a single day being with you.

Where you invest your love, you invest your life.

I think I need to update this more because of... uhm, security reasons haha!

I'm just confused with school, the future, love... basically, LIFE. I will be graduating in a month and I don't know if I am ready to face the real world out there. I feel like I have really been sheltered so much by the schools I went to, friends and family. I know I can make it through but I'm just scared, who isn't? I want to take a rest, travel and explore but everyone around me is saying otherwise.

I am happy with some aspects of my life. Very happy. But with this happiness comes confusion too. Maybe, I'm scared too. (OH GOSH, I'VE BEEN SCARED WITH A LOT OF STUFF LATELY... WHYYY?) I just don't want this to end and with my past with this kind of thing, I always end up alone and sad.

I know I can do this. I can make it through.

I'll face the future with my head up high and you by my side :)

Love actually and its effect on me

Love Actually, Adele and The Script has one thing in common... it brings back everything I have been trying to keep. This issue about being single, love and heartbreaks. I had a share of each of these things and it just makes everything so hard.

I tripped, stumbled down and fell off the ground. I went crazy, gaga, stupid. I shouldn't have but I did. I promise not to make the same mistake again but every time it happens, I forget everything I promised. It has been a cycle, a cycle I really want to break. A cycle I want to get out of. I'm tired and hurt, at the same time. I'm lost.

I just want one thing... TO BE LOVED, what more could I ask for? I want life to become much easier with someone that would be beside me on every stupid mistake I'll do and who would love me for all the trips and falls I'll make. I just don't want to give up on love, even if I'm feeling that love has given up on me.

I still want to wait, to fight, to believe that love is actually all around...

WHY THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT ALLOWING DIVORCE HERE IN THE PHILIPPINES

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the sameperson.

I don't know why I am affected by this but I COMPLETELY DISAGREE WITH ALLOWING DIVORCE. I don't care if we are the only country in the whole universe who doesn't allow divorce but this has a reason behind it and I firmly believe that this is enough to keep it that way.

Maybe I was too inspired by my Theology 131 professor, Fr. Dacanay or something but I think that marriage is a very sacred and serious commitment to each other that no one can destroy it. FUCK YEH. But seriously, people get married because they want to spend the rest of their life with this other person and if divorce is possible, then people can just marry a person and not be serious because he/she knows that he can be divorced anyways if it didn't work out. I believe that the rationale of marriage can be ruined if divorce is okay here in the country.

I hate failed relationships okay. DO NOT GET MARRIED IF YOU'RE NOT 100% SURE WITH A PERSON. I know people who stay married until the day they die and I know that others can do this too. It's a matter of building the right relationship to this other person and letting each other grow in the relationship. SPIRITUAL GROWTH babyyy!

So yeh. To hell with those who wants divorce. I'm sorry but I just hate it when I hear it on the news and what other means would I vent out but here in my blog LOL.