Sunday, December 14, 2008

Uhh, ewan.

Last November, I was really excited for Christmas. I was hearing Christmas songs in Kuya's house and seeing my little niece dance with it made me more excited. I dunno why I felt that way. I usually let Christmas pass by without feeling any excitement. Then when I saw people fixing their Christmas decors, I got more and more excited so I fixed our Christmas tree. LOL. :) It was fun, my hand was super red after. LOL. So to sum it up, I was really really really excited for it since.. now.

Uhh, i dunno why I am feeling this way. It sucks to feel this way. I like my Christmas to be happy with my family and all but I guess we can never turn back time. :c I just want to let everything out.. uhh, not everything. lol. Uhm, I love them both. Really really love but I can't do anything that can help them fix their problems. It just hurts me to see them fighting especially the other day. Another thing is hearing them say bad things about each other. It really feel suck-y. I SWEAR. Another thing that bothers me is that I am getting tired of the other person's drama. He can't be like that forever, he's too old to be like that. Why can't he be mature enough to handle everything in the best/right way possible. I really love him so I want the best for him but I can't even trust him now. If he tells my dad he's going somewhere etc, I don't trust everything he says. I wanted to trust him because he needs somebody because of his issues but I can't. It's hard, ya know? Now, I don't want to be around him. I don't want to see him smoke because it just makes me feel angry at him and I don't want that.

Waaaa, everything is so confusing. I want him to change. That's all I want. For us to have a Happy Christmas. Especially that my mom will not spend Christmas here in the Philippines. :( Haaay.

So yea, I wish I am still excited about Christmas.. but I'm not anymore. I just hope everything will be okay. No more punching and all. =

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